Sun Tzu's lesser-known text, The Fart of War

I'm about 6'7'' so even when I'm just trying to be friendly (i.e. not farting on a stanger kid's head) and meeting a family member's or friend's kid for the first time, I've noticed they get very 'hide between their mother's legs' intimidated on sight if I'm not sitting down. So it's not hard for me to silence/intimidate a child, especially when I'm trying to.

However, a few times I've been called out. One time I was pretty drunk with a friend at a Target buying Risk (and no, we never finished playing the whole game). This little mexican 5-7 year old with a mohawk, was being an insufferable little shit in the action figure section. I heard him from like 5 aisles over and it was like nails on a chalkboard. I tell my friend, "I'm gonna fart on this kids head. Watch and learn."

I saunter on over to the aisle in question and see the vile little prick calling his mom an "idiot" for not buying him a huge fucking G.I. JOE The Movie vehicle (which pissed me off even more considering how awful that movie was. BUY SOME GOOD TOYS!) "I already bought that one for you and you broke it by throwing it down the stairs" "SHUT UP. I NEED IT. IT'S THE ONLY ONE I DON'T HAVE NOW." The mother was younger than me (I'm mid twenties) and gave a defeated look, "I don't have enough money right now." "YOU ARE AN IDIOT," and continued to just berate and publicly shame this woman.

At the time, I was on a strict Chipotle carnitas burrito diet. And while I was watching all this, my stomach gave me an initial warning gurgle (very courteous stomach) telling me I was about an hour away from punishing the toilet. Serendipity! Destiny!

I inch a bit closer to my prey, inspecting some wrestling toys and pondering the weird homoeroticness of the whole 'sport' in general. The kid shouts "FUCK YOU, I HATE YOU!" The mom rolls her eyes and turns her back to the kid to ignore him. And could you believe it, the kid gets on his hands and knees and starts taking the toy out of the box. It's go time, motherfucker.

I position my back towards him and at this point am like 2 feet away from him. His head is down, getting frustrated with those god damn twisty tie things, and I go for the kill. I bend down to reach for the one of the toys on the lower shelf. At this point, my ass is INCHES away from this kids head.

Now, generally speaking, the best way to go about this is to act casual, drop your belly bomb, then walk away after a few seconds like nothing is out of the ordinary. I usually go one aisle over and listen to the kid's reaction in delight. However, today I couldn't help myself. I have my head tilted back looking at this kid out of the corner of my eye, to ensure accuracy.

I'm so close that from a distance it looks like I'm about to sit on him,. My friend sees this happening and can no longer contain himself. He's covering his mouth, but his 'hee-haw' hyperventilating donkey chortle is fairly audible over the late 90's pop muzak playing on the loudspeakers.

The kid immediately looks up towards the laughter, but can't help but notice there is an ass now directly in his face. Now, I'm trying not to laugh but also panicking as I just made eye contact with him. He furls his brow and I look over in the mother's direction, still back towards us. I relish in the moment and the look on this child's confused and naive face.

The initial blast was mighty and boisterous. I swear I saw his hair blowing in the wind (so to speak). If I wasn't wearing jeans, I think it could have probably blown over an empty soda can. I would call it "a very fun fart" (A++ would buy again). However, what immediately followed that out the chamber was truly horrifying. The fart's implication changed without notice and swiftly. It went from a joyous, dry airhorn squeal to a nefarious, hissing mephitis. I think the little moppet noticed the hateful metamorphosis before even I did because he wretched his neck violently trying to get away from the personified evil being fumigated into his soul. Because of his positioning (hovering over the toy, hands and knee), it was all in vain as the only way out was forward...and forward would mean certain death. I had positioned myself well on the higher ground, free to escape or relent at any time and him, poor and immobilized: biding his time until the cruel attack was over. Obviously, this child needed to re-read Sun Tzu.

In total, it lasted about 4 seconds but for that kid, it must have seemed like time was frozen. The long-term severe brain damage which he no doubt suffered, only added to that effect.

When finished with my bidness (i.e. forcing a little boy to huff my farts), there was a silent, pregnant pause. The kid was clearly shocked and stunned. No one had ever stood up to this dwarf sociopath in his whole life. I had taken the words out of his mouth and filled it with fart.

I make my move first, picking up the toy I was "reaching for" off the low shelf, take a few steps forward and stare at it for a few seconds. On '2 alligator,' the only thing the kid could manage to do was burst into tears. My friend senses danger 'the jig is up' and his head darts for cover. The mom turns around to see her kid with an open toy, crying on the floor and me minding my own business.

She walks up to him and asks what's wrong but the kid can't speak. All he gets out is, "BAWAWAAAWAFARTBAWAWA." It took every fiber in my body not to laugh. I put the toy back on a middle shelf, turn around, give a final nonchalant looksy and then begin to take my exit.

Sensing that his assailant was getting away scot-free, he somehow managed to compose himself for a moment. He shouts, "HE FARTED ON ME!" I could feel him pointing at me but I continued to act like I was just browsing. I was ALMOST around the corner when the mom goes:

"Excuse me....sir....SIR!"

I turn around nonplussed, "Uh...who? Me?" while pointing to myself.

"Yes. Did YOU just FART on my son?"

Weighing my options, I played dumb. "What? I mean, I did fart."

"On my son?"

"Well, I mean, technically speaking...I mean...what is 'on'?"

"Why did you fart on my son?"

At this point the little kid has the look of schadenfreude on his face, happy to see me in trouble. Fuck you, I'M A MAN! I WILL FART ON YOU IF I PLEASE! I turn my attention to the little kid and stare at him, "Because the whole store could hear him being a little, rotten asshole to his mother so I thought I'd come over here and treat him like one."

The mom looks at me, her son and the scattered GI JOE/wrappers/box on the floor. The mom is puzzled as to what to do and says, "Just..just go." That's my cue! I turn around, walk away with little extra step. I look up to see the black orb of security cameras and all the stories on reddit about unjustly having to register as a sex offender flash before my eyes. As soon as I turn the corner, I book it outside as fast as I can while dialing my friend. Like a true friend, he is right out front with the engine running and Risk in the trunk.

We laugh on the car ride back about the whole scene. With a slight hint of seriousness in his tone, my friend asks me:

"Do you do that a lot?"

"Ahhh, not that much. Like once every 6 months or so."

We both knew I was lying. We got to our other friends house, played risk until 4 in the morning while drinking scotch. Overall, I would say it was a preeeetay preeeeetay good day.

Source:  http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/fn5gr/reddit_what_is_your_silent_unseen_act_of_personal/c1hdgwv?context=4

he gave me books

The secret of Invention

Be alone, that is the secret of invention; 

be alone, that is when ideas are born.
- Nikola Tesla

eat, buy, eat, buy, eat, buy...

Art by:  Jean Bevier
Source:  http://www.dom.edu/departments/artDepartment/jean1.html

Instead of saying "Eat sh-t and die", try saying...

Source:  http://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/fn9zu/instead_of_saying_eat_shit_and_die_try_saying/

Corporate Assholes

source: http://www.bigfatwhale.com/archives/bfw_446.htm

When he died, his wife commissioned this sculpture as an expression of her love for him

Sculpture by Peter Schipperheyn, "Asleep"

Source:  Mt Macedon Cemetery in Victoria, Australia

Husband's reward after drinking the night away

A man woke up in the morning with a terrible hangover, and could not remember what he had done the night before.

On the table next to the bed he saw two aspirins, a glass of water, and a note from his wife, saying "Honey, there is a hot breakfast waiting for you in the kitchen. Love you lots!

He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order; spotlessly clean. He quickly notices that the rest of the house looks extremely clean.He decides to get up and stumbles into the bathroom where notices he has a very swollen and very black and blue eye.

After shaving, he goes to the kitchen as he passes the hall he sees that the mirror is broken.

At this point he is very perplexed.

He realizes that his son is in the kitchen and is eating his huge breakfast. The man asks the son "What happened last night, why is the house clean, and my eye black?"

The son replies "Well, last night dad you came home drunk off your ass, stumbled into the mirror, broke it, and hit your head on the bedroom doorknob.

Mom helped you to bed, and as she was trying to get your pants off you kicked her away, and said "get off me lady, I'm married!"

♥ the spirit of the one you'll love ♥

by the awesome Jim Benton

If Guns Don't Kill People..

Exploits of a Mom

source: http://xkcd.com/327/

Which One Of These Ten Magical Items Would You Choose? And Why?

1. A pot that can produce 1,000 kilograms of any food a day.
2. A bracelet that keeps weather perfect wherever you go and within a 250 kilometre radius.
3. A necklace that allows you to touch books and instantly absorb knowledge from them, without reading.
4. An unlimited bottle of perfume that will make you wildly attractive to the opposite sex (or same sex if you’re gay), which cannot be used on anyone you love.
5. A watch that allows you to reverse time by a minute or less per day.
6. A bell that when rang fixes any one object at a time, excluding living things, within a minute.
7. A chocolate bar, with twelve pieces, that makes anyone who eats a single piece invincible and youthful until the age of 160.
8. A no fuel required, maintenance free, eight person van that can take you anywhere on the planet within one second.
9. A remote control that allows you and another person to change, superficially, into anyone you want; the effect lasts until you decide to revert.
10. An immortal dog that poops out one gold coin every time it goes to the bathroom.
    
    
    source:  http://www.reddit.com/comments/fa6vp/which_of_these_ten_magical_items_would_you_choose/?sort=top

Why Women Shouldn't Force Men to Go Shopping with Them

.

Francis Ford Coppola on Stealing Material

 

"I once found a little excerpt from Balzac. He speaks about a young writer who stole some of his prose. The thing that almost made me weep,  he said, “I was so happy when this young person took from me.” Because that’s what we want. We want you to take from us. We want you, at first, to steal from us, because you can’t steal. You will take what we give you and you will put it in your own voice and that’s how you will find your voice.

And that’s how you begin. And then one day someone will steal from you. And Balzac said that in his book: It makes me so happy because it makes me immortal because I know that 200 years from now there will be people doing things that somehow I am part of. So the answer to your question is: Don’t worry about whether it’s appropriate to borrow or to take or do something like someone you admire because that’s only the first step and you have to take the first step."

Souce: http://the99percent.com/articles/6973/Francis-Ford-Coppola-On-Risk-Money-Craft-Collaboration

I Take It You Haven't Had Sex For A While

Rifle is FINE.

The Average Asian Aging Process

Source: http://yfrog.com/h2aekrdj

"Look at that, you son of a bitch."

[In outer space] you develop an instant global consciousness, a people orientation, an intense dissatisfaction with the state of the world, and a compulsion to do something about it.  From out there on the moon, international politics look so petty. You want to grab a politician by the scruff of the neck and drag him a quarter of a million miles out and say, "Look at that, you son of a bitch."

— Apollo 14 Astronaut Edgar Mitchell

photo from the Kayuga moon probe

How to Write Your Own Kick Ass Obituary

Let's be honest, most obituaries are not all that good. The worst part about them is that you are never around to read your own obit and see what a great person you were. Here are some great ideas if you want an exciting obituary that everyone will enjoy reading. As a bonus, you can get even with the people that made fun of you in high school and make a few bucks.

1. Write your own obituary

It is imperative that you write your own obituary or have a trusted friend do it BEFORE you die. If you do not, your Aunt (who has her own blog and fancies herself as a “writer”) will type it up and it will suck and you’ll be stuck with an awful summation of your life.

Once you do finish writing your own obit, make sure you send a draft copy out to all your family and friends so that they can miss you while you are still alive. They will then have the opportunity to pay to be included in the obituary (see section #5) or pay to be excluded from the obituary (see section #8.)

2. Don't give them the satisfaction

Most people will suggest you start off an obit with the person’s name, the date they died and how they died. I suggest you start off with “You are not going to believe this!” or “Guess what that fat f*ck Bob did now” or “You were right.” Don't include your age so that your friends don't get the satisfaction of outliving you.

3. Doug who?

No one knows you by your real name so why die by that name? Nicknames that were used independently of your name go in quotation marks in the middle of your real name.

Robert “Stacks” Gutfruend

Joan “Cookie Monster” McCreedy

Nicknames that were part of your job or the reason you went to jail go before your real name:

“Handsy” Jim Handland

“Luscious Diamond” Tina Ralph

“Tea-Bag” Bill Billingsworth

Or if you don’t want anyone to know you died, just post a fake nickname.

John “Two-Sack” Christopher

If you didn’t have a nickname in real life, make sure you make one up or tell your obit writer your suggestions before you die. And don’t post your middle name. We’re not monogramming a sweater here.

4. Rhyming and haikus make for great obituaries

I suggest trying them together.

You smoked like a fire

Now you're atop a pyre

No flowers please, Thanks!

5. No one cares

No one cares about who died before you or how many cousins you have that are still alive. If your relatives want in your obit, charge them $5 - $10 a mention.

No one cares where you went to school or where you earned your associates degree. List your favorite bars or hang outs. People are more likely to remember Johnny “Cantaloupes” Mullroy from the bowling alley, rather than a graduate of Lancaster High School class of 1988. (Go Gales!)

6. People like excitement

Don’t die of cancer. Die of a space borne alien parasite.

Don’t die in a car accident. Get hit by a meteorite.

Die a hero (stolen from Royal Tennebaums) "Died Tragically Rescuing his Family From the Wreckage of a Destroyed Sinking Battleship."

And do not fail to give a reason for why you died or people will assume it was from something embarrassing. Everyone knows that a non-mention means "bled to death from a masturbation accident."

7. Get donations now

There are services that will “loan’ you a lump sum of money now and get that money back when you die through the "Please donate to" charity suggested in the obituary. The loan companies have names like, “The Amerikan Heart Foundation” and “The Redd Cross” and “Amway.” At the bottom of your obit, have money sent to them in lieu of flowers. If you can’t come up with enough donations to cover your loan, they will take your suit/dress, coffin and body parts to make up the difference.

8. Let those jerks have it

An Obituary is the perfect time to get back at all the people who have pissed you off your entire life. Being dead is the perfect cover for a lie or to let out a really stinky truth. Here are a few examples:

-I never loved you (insert family member’s name here.)

-Coach Rogers touched me on my pee pee after baseball practice.

-I had herpes. Now I have worms.

-Aunt Tina, I was and always will be a Red Sox fan.

-My G-mail and MySpace password is clicktowin34. Go ahead and read my e-mails, honey.

This is also a perfect opportunity for relatives to make “pre-donations” to be excluded from this portion of the obituary. For $10 now, Uncle Bob won't get outted. For $50 neither will your Uncle Lou whom you found with Uncle Bob.

Here is my Obituary, just so you know:

Doug “Holyjuan” Messerschmit

Well, you can all stop placing your bets. Doug is dead. You won’t see him at B-Hampton’s or at Skully’s anymore, but you can see him Ray’s Funeral Home this Wednesday from 6 – 8pm. The parts of his body that were not destroyed when he dove on top the improvised nuclear device and thus saved the city will be on display. HolyJuan liked to dance poorly, drink quickly, tell the same stories and flirt with the ladies. He owned two bowling shirts and 12 pairs of Converse. He is survived by his parents ($20) and one sister ($5.) Donations can be made to the American Kancer Society and my brother used to stick Legos in my butt while I slept.

Source: http://www.holyjuan.com/2007/07/how-to-write-really-really-good.html

HERO: Man lives on cliff and talks down suicide jumpers.. for the last 50 years

Don Ritchie lives across the street from the most famous suicide spot in Australia: A cliff known as "The Gap." Most people would move, but Ritchie's stayed for almost 50 years—saving an estimated 160 people from suicide.

So what's his big secret? Ritchie wakes up every morning and looks out the window for "anyone standing alone too close to the precipice." If he sees someone who looks like they might be contemplating a jump, he walks over and... strikes up a conversation.  He just gives them a warm smile, asks if they'd like to talk and invites them back to his house for tea.  Sometimes, they join him.

"I'm offering them an alternative, really," Ritchie says, "I always act in a friendly manner.  I smile."

Ritchie's house might be the worst real estate ever. One person a week commits suicide at the "the Gap," the cliff he lives across from. It's protected only by a small, one-meter fence, despite its legendary reputation as a suicide spot dating back to the 1800s.

But the former life insurance salesman says he doesn't feel "burdened" by the fact that people are always contemplating jumping to their deaths outside his house. In fact, he and his wife Moya see it as a blessing: "I think, 'Isn't it wonderful that we live here and we can help people?'"

Obviously, he's not always successful, and, at times, he's had to physically restrain people from jumping while Moya calls the police. But it isn't necessarily traumatic:

Despite all he has seen, he says he is not haunted by the ones who were lost.  He cannot remember the first suicide he witnessed, none have plagues his nightmares.  He says he does his best with each person, and if he loses one, he accepts that there was nothing more he could have done.

Ritchie, who basically sounds like the nicest guy in the entire world, is 84, and has spent much of the last year battling cancer. But, as you might expect for a dude who's managed to live across from a fucked-up, tragic place, and not become a casualty himself, he's optimistic: "I imagine somebody else will come along and do what I've been doing." I hope so.

Source: http://gawker.com/5563648/meet-the-australian-whos-saved-160-people-from-suicide

How To Be Alone

Happy New Year: Live a Good Life.

Today You.. Tomorrow Me.

Have you ever picked up a hitchhiker?

Just about every time I see someone I stop. I kind of got out of the habit in the last couple of years, moved to a big city and all that, my girlfriend wasn't too stoked on the practice. Then some shit happened to me that changed me and I am back to offering rides habitually. If you would indulge me, it is long story and has almost nothing to do with hitch hiking other than happening on a road.

This past year I have had 3 instances of car trouble. A blow out on a freeway, a bunch of blown fuses and an out of gas situation. All of them were while driving other people's cars which, for some reason, makes it worse on an emotional level. It makes it worse on a practical level as well, what with the fact that I carry things like a jack and extra fuses in my car, and know enough not to park, facing downhill, on a steep incline with less than a gallon of fuel.

Anyway, each of these times this shit happened I was DISGUSTED with how people would not bother to help me. I spent hours on the side of the freeway waiting, watching roadside assistance vehicles blow past me, for AAA to show. The 4 gas stations I asked for a gas can at told me that they couldn't loan them out "for my safety" but I could buy a really shitty 1-gallon one with no cap for $15. It was enough, each time, to make you say shit like "this country is going to hell in a handbasket."

But you know who came to my rescue all three times? Immigrants. Mexican immigrants. None of them spoke a lick of the language. But one of those dudes had a profound affect on me.

He was the guy that stopped to help me with a blow out with his whole family of 6 in tow. I was on the side of the road for close to 4 hours. Big jeep, blown rear tire, had a spare but no jack. I had signs in the windows of the car, big signs that said NEED A JACK and offered money. No dice. Right as I am about to give up and just hitch out there a van pulls over and dude bounds out. He sizes the situation up and calls for his youngest daughter who speaks english. He conveys through her that he has a jack but it is too small for the Jeep so we will need to brace it. He produces a saw from the van and cuts a log out of a downed tree on the side of the road. We rolled it over, put his jack on top, and bam, in business. I start taking the wheel off and, if you can believe it, I broke his tire iron. It was one of those collapsible ones and I wasn't careful and I snapped the head I needed clean off. Fuck.

No worries, he runs to the van, gives it to his wife and she is gone in a flash, down the road to buy a tire iron. She is back in 15 minutes, we finish the job with a little sweat and cussing (stupid log was starting to give), and I am a very happy man. We are both filthy and sweaty. The wife produces a large water jug for us to wash our hands in. I tried to put a 20 in the man's hand but he wouldn't take it so I instead gave it to his wife as quietly as I could. I thanked them up one side and down the other. I asked the little girl where they lived, thinking maybe I could send them a gift for being so awesome. She says they live in Mexico. They are here so mommy and daddy can pick peaches for the next few weeks. After that they are going to pick cherries then go back home. She asks if I have had lunch and when I told her no she gave me a tamale from their cooler, the best fucking tamale I have ever had.

So, to clarify, a family that is undoubtedly poorer than you, me, and just about everyone else on that stretch of road, working on a seasonal basis where time is money, took an hour or two out of their day to help some strange dude on the side of the road when people in tow trucks were just passing me by. Wow...

But we aren't done yet. I thank them again and walk back to my car and open the foil on the tamale cause I am starving at this point and what do I find inside? My fucking $20 bill! I whirl around and run up to the van and the guy rolls his window down. He sees the $20 in my hand and just shaking his head no like he won't take it. All I can think to say is "Por Favor, Por Favor, Por Favor" with my hands out. Dude just smiles, shakes his head and, with what looked like great concentration, tried his hardest to speak to me in English:

"Today you.... tomorrow me."

Rolled up his window, drove away, his daughter waving to me in the rear view. I sat in my car eating the best fucking tamale of all time and I just cried. Like a little girl. It has been a rough year and nothing has broke my way. This was so out of left field I just couldn't deal.

In the 5 months since I have changed a couple of tires, given a few rides to gas stations and, once, went 50 miles out of my way to get a girl to an airport. I won't accept money. Every time I tell them the same thing when we are through:

"Today you.... tomorrow me."

Source

finding the perfect moment

Must Watch: The Story of Cosmetics

Delete Facebook

source

Book

link

greetings

Wikileaks

from xkcd

it's a magical world

amazing posters for girls by Amanda Visell

original link

best product review EVAR!

original link

Small Talk Calendar

Thanksgiving Dinner

a plaque above a men's urinal at an engagement ring store: RUN

7-yr old explains Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock

source:  Boingboing

is it fucked up?

The Best Anti Tobacco Sign

yep:  tell it like it is.

Don't Think Too Much

coming home

flower bomb

our endless days are numbered

4 Types of Perfectionism

by Pavel Somov, Ph.D. original post click here.

As I clinically see it there are 4 types of perfectionism:

- Neurotic Perfectionism
- Narcissistic Perfectionism
- Principled (Puritanical) Perfectionism
- Hyper-Attentive (Compensatory) Perfectionism

The first three of these are essentially "software" problems. The solution to "software-type" perfectionism is "re-programming." The Hyper-Attentive type of perfectionism is a "hardware" (brain) issue.

Neurotic Perfectionism

Neurotic perfectionism is motivated by "the need for approval" (Flett & Hewitt, 2002, p. 24). Neurotic perfectionism parallels the Conscientious Compulsive variant of OCPD (Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder, not to be confused with OCD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).

Such individuals exhibit "a conforming dependency, a compliance to rules and authority, and a willing submission to the wishes, values, expectations and demands of others." They have "a strong sense of duty, which masks underlying feelings of personal inadequacy." They fear "that failure to perform perfectly will lead to both abandonment and condemnation" by others (Millon et al., 2000, p. 176-177).

Neurotic perfectionists aren't wimps. They are wounded egos. They are casualties of poor parenting, societal pressures, and possibly of abuse. They have been programmed and conditioned to feel bad about themselves and to please, appease, accommodate others. For example, a neurotic perfectionist might spend a sleepless night worrying about the gift he bought his wife for their anniversary, and convince himself, by the end of the night, that it's insultingly cheap, that she'll hate it, and he must return it for something better, more perfect, or else she might leave him which will confirm that he is unlovable.

Narcissistic Perfectionism

Remember that Greek myth of Narcissus who was so enamored by the reflection of his own image in a pond that he was unable to stop marveling at it? Narcissists thrive on mirrors. No, not necessarily on the physical mirrors, but on the mirrors of social feedback.

Contrary to the common misperception, narcissists aren't arrogant even if they act arrogant. They simply don't feel good about themselves. If you are recognizing yourself in this, chances are you grew up with a narcissistic parent. Most narcissists are tragically the children of narcissists. Growing up with an insecure parent, you might have lost your sense of self because your sense of self was in the service of being a mirror for your parent's frail ego. And now, just like your parents, perhaps, the only way for you to feel special is to command special treatment, to insist on unquestioning compliance with your wishes from others, to demand nothing less than perfection from others.

Clinically, narcissistic perfectionism parallels the Bureaucratic Compulsive variant of OCPD. Bureaucratic Compulsives, as the name suggests, thrive on hierarchical superiority. For example, they are eager to show off their "knowledge of the rules;" they are "effectiveness with red tape;" "punctual and meticulous;" they tend to appraise "their own and other' tasks with black-and-white efficiency, as done or not done" (Millon, 2000, p. 179).

In sum, they are intolerant of imperfection as they feel it reflects unfavorably on them. If they are perfect and everything around them is perfect, then others will respond to them as perfect, and then, and only then, will they buy into the perfect reflection in the social mirror and finally feel good about themselves, if only for a brief moment.

Principled Perfectionism

Principled perfectionism is perfectionism about ethics and morality. Principled perfectionists feel so passionately about what they believe that they run the risk of imposing their beliefs onto others. They strive for moral perfection and demand nothing less of themselves. As a result not only are they really hard on themselves but they may be also rather judgmental of others' imperfections.

Principled perfectionists run a close parallel to Puritanical Compulsives who can be characterized as self-righteous, zealous, uncompromising, indignant, dogmatic, and judgmental (Millon, 2000). Principled perfectionism also parallels the so-called "world-oriented perfectionism," which is defined as "the belief that precise, correct, and perfect solutions to all human and world problems exist" (Flett & Hewitt, 2002, p. 14, my italics). If you are recognizing yourself in this, don't feel too bad: idealism is just innocence and righteousness is, in essence, enthusiasm. You aren't bad for wanting to save the world.

Hyper-Attentive Perfectionism

Perfectionism may be related to a particularly hyper-attentive cognitive style. It has been noted that some compulsives are so good at concentrating that they cannot stop concentrating, that "they can't skim a page, they must scrutinize every word" (Maxment & Ward, 1995, p. 417). Individuals with this type of stimulus-bound cognitive style are "easily distracted and disturbed by new information or external events" (Beck et al., 2004, p. 323-324). David Shapiro (1965) suggested that this information-processing style might be related to social deficits and inability to grasp "'the emotional tone' of social situations" (Millon, 2000, p. 190-191).

So what we have here is a situation in which an attentional deficit leads to a social deficit, at which point the person relies on trying to be perfect so as to avoid social disapproval, rejection and isolation. The solution to this "hardware" type of perfectionism is attention-training and possibly, psychotropic medication.

Update Your Mindware

One thing is clear: whichever type of perfectionism you have, you got it by accident. Whether you were born into a macro-culture of Western perfectionism or merely thrown into a particular dysfunctional microcosm of your family (that required you to be perfect to survive), your perfectionistic personality style is an accident. Correct it.

Cheer Up Keanu Day

On June 15, due to a recent photo of Keanu eating alone, a huge outpouring of love came in the form of creating a ‘Cheer Up Keanu Day’. Fans left endearing messages and creative photoshopped pictures depicting the actor in different scenes all in a effort to cheer up the Matrix actor. In case you missed it, here’s a hilarious video that pretty much summed it up.

Lyrics by Azured, Melody by Plain White Ts, Pictures by INTERNET:

Verse 1:
Hey there Keanu
It's about time that someone said it
But your picture makes us feel sad
God I hope that you read Reddit
Yes I do
Cause all my posts are just for you
I swear it's true

Verse 2:
Hey there Keanu
Don't you worry about the pigeons
Have your lunch alone in sorrow
Boy that sandwich looks delicious
Close your eyes
Pictures of you are no surprise
This karma's nice

Chorus:
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's Reddit sympathy
'Whoa' is what you say to me
'Whoa' is what you say to me
It's what you say to me

Verse 3:
Hey there Keanu
I know times have been real hard
But with some upvotes from my friends
We'll steer that bus between the cars
We'll have it good
You know kung fu it's understood
I just got wood

Verse 4:
Hey there Keanu
My photoshop skills have no limits
If all the shops with cats I did of you
Would help to lift your spirits
I'd shop it all
I'd even shop you with Ron Paul
That park's too small

Chorus:
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's Reddit sympathy
'Whoa' is what you say to me
'Whoa' is what you say to me
It's what you say to me

Bridge:
You give so much with all your heart
Some motorbikes just for a start
But I'd work with you for very little pay
We don't need to stop this bus
There is no spoon what's all the fuss
And Mountain breeze is such a trippy name
Keanu I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The Reddit memes will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Verse 5:
Hey there Keanu
Eat your lunch and don't you miss me
One more week and we'll be done with you
Please don't think that we're unhappy but it's true
Circlejerk won't know what's left to do
I can't imagine someone new
Hey there Keanu here's to you
This one's for you

Chorus:
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's Reddit sympathy
'Whoa' is what you say to me
'Whoa' is what you say to me
It's what you say to me

Disney and Porn

74% - Dad's Popular

When you ask U.S. adults about their parents, fully 74% say they feel close to their father. But a 2006 Pew Research Center survey found that somewhat more, 87%, say they feel close to their mother. Moreover, dogs edge both parents, as well as cats, in the human intimacy sweepstake. Fully 94% of dog owners say they feel "close" to their pet compared with 84% of cat owners. So for anyone keeping score, the family intimacy standings look like this: dog 94%; mom 87%; cat 84%; dad 74%. Happy Father's Day, Dad!


Source: Pew Research Center

Original Post Found HERE.

The ‘Beauty Bias’ at Work

By Lindsay Beyerstein

In her provocative new book, The Beauty Bias: The Injustice of Appearance in Law and Life, Stanford law professor Deborah Rhode argues that workers deserve legal protection against appearance-based discrimination unless their looks are directly relevant to their job performance.

Six cities and one state already ban various kinds of appearance-based discrimination. Contrary to the dire predictions of critics, these laws have not generated a flurry of litigation. Michigan, which banned appearance discrimination in the 1970s, averages one such lawsuit a year.

Rhode convincingly argues that beauty bias in the workplace is a widespread problem with serious consequences. Between 12 and 14 percent of workers say they've suffered some kind of appearance-based discrimination on the job.

It should go without saying that discrimination on the basis of appearance is unjust, especially when it comes to features individuals have little or no control over. Rhode does a good job of spelling out why such bias is offensive to human dignity and equal opportunity.

Volumes of psychological research have shown that unattractive people are assumed to be less intelligent, less capable and less trustworthy. Almost from birth, infants stare longer at faces that adults rate as attractive.

Employers are not immune. Resumes get less consideration if the boss thinks they're coming from an unattractive person. Rhode notes that unattractive people are less likely to get hired and promoted and that they earn less on average, even in occupations where appearance has nothing to do with the job.

The increasing prevalence of obesity in America has done nothing to curb virulent prejudice against fat people. Ironically, immobilizing obesity is protected as a disability, but discrimination based purely on cosmetic aversion to fat is totally legal. In one study, 43% of overweight women reported feeling stigmatized by their employers. Obese women earn 12% less than their thinner counterparts with comparable qualifications. Obese women are more likely to live in poverty, even after controlling for other factors.

Rhode notes that beauty bias also exacerbates and perpetuates other kinds of discrimination. Female workers are held to more elaborate grooming standards than their male counterparts. Then again, women also face discrimination in more senior positions for being too pretty or too sexy. Debrahlee Lorenzana, a Citibank employee is making headlines for claiming that she was fired for distracting her male colleagues with excessive sexiness.

There's a lot of overlap between appearance discrimination and racism. Some have speculated that coworkers percieved Lorenzana in a more sexualized way because she's Latina. Stereotypically Anglo-European features like smooth hair, slim hips, and pert noses loom large in our prevailing beauty ideals. There's a class component in beauty bias, too. A gleaming smile engineered by an orthodontist is a badge of membership in the middle class. As we all know, poverty increases the risk of obesity.

Thanks to the skyrocketing popularity of plastic surgery, a gulf is emerging between those who can afford Botox and facelifts and those who have to wear the natural signs of aging as gracefully as they can. Last year, the National Organization for Women came out against a proposed plastic surgery tax on the grounds that older women need work to get jobs in today's economy.

Rhode acknowledges that the law can only do so much to mitigate the effects of such deep-seated prejudices, but she argues that the enormity of the problem is no excuse for inaction. Sexism, racism and homophobia are certainly ingrained, but that doesn't mean that the law is powerless against them. As segregationists said in the era of Brown, you can't legally force people not to be bigots. On the other hand, when you discourage people from acting like bigots, tolerance can become a habit.

Rhode doesn't specifically address the role of unions in fighting appearance discrimination, but some of the famous examples she discusses in her book involve union members. The two waitresses who successfully challenged the Borgata Hotel and Casino's strict weight limit in court also filed a successful grievance through the Hotel Employees and Restaurant Employees International Union (HERE) on the grounds that implementation of the rule violated their collective bargaining agreement.

Michael Yelnosky argues in the Duke Law Review that labor laws already provide a robust framework for unions to fight various kinds of appearance-related discrimination. He notes that the Borgata waitresses had an easier time than a nonunion bartender at Harrah's Casino in Nevada who was ultimately fired for bucking the house rule that female bartenders had to wear makeup and teased hair while their male colleagues just had to look neat. A Nevada court ruled that Darlene Jesperson's allegations weren't enough to outweigh the principle of at-will employment (i.e., the employer's right to fire anyone for just about any reason).

The good news for union workers is that virtually every collective bargaining agreement involves limitations on the employer's right to fire at will. Yelnowsky stresses that unions can protect their members from appearance-based discrimination when it comes time to negotiate what constitutes "just cause" for termination. He cites an example in which a union successfully negotiated the right of dairy workers to have beards. He also notes that an all-female flight attendants union negotiated height, weight and dress standards through collective bargaining as early as 1945.

There's a tendency to dismiss concerns over looks-based discrimination as frivolous. The Beauty Bias dares us to take appearance discrimination seriously, and for that alone it's an important book. For more on the book, check out reviews by Dahlia Lithwick in Slate, Emily Bazelon in the New York Times, and Anna North on Jezebel.

Original Post Found HERE

Chinese Tycoon Gives His Whole Fortune - $1.2B to Charity

Real-estate tycoon Yu Pengnian has now moved his entire $1.2 billion fortune into his charity to help China's poor.

Yu has several children, none of whom will inherit any of his fortunes, a move he says his children agree with. "If my children are more capable than me, it's not necessary to leave a lot of money to them. If they are incompetent, a lot of money will only be harmful to them," he said.

The Fastest and Funniest LEGO Star Wars story ever told

glow of happiness

When you have once seen the glow of happiness on the face of a beloved person, you know that a man can have no vocation but to awaken that light on the faces surrounding him; and you are torn by the thought of the unhappiness and night you cast, by the mere fact of living, in the hearts you encounter.

- Albert Camus

Who can build the tallest tower with a marshmallow, tape, string, and dry spaghetti?

In this six-minute TED Talk video, Autodesk Fellow Tom Wujec describes a team-building contest in which groups of four people are asked to build the tallest free-standing structure possible out of 20 sticks of spaghetti, a yard of tape, a yard of string, and a marshmallow.

Wujec says that very young kids usually build taller and more interesting structures than most adults, because they build a lot of prototypes in the 18 minutes each group is allotted, while adults spend a lot of time planning, then have no time to correct their mistakes.

- from Boing Boing

Chat with God

found this floating in the internet:

God : Hello. Did you call me?

Me: Called you? No.. Who is this ?

God : This is GOD. I heard your prayers. So I thought I will chat.

Me: I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I am actually busy now. I am in the midst of something.

God : What are you busy at? Ants are busy too.

Me: Don't know. But I can't find free time. Life has become hectic. It's rush hour all the time.

God : Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you results. Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.

Me: I understand. But I still can't figure out. By the way, I was not expecting YOU to buzz me on instant messaging chat.

God : Well I wanted to resolve your fight for time, by giving you some clarity. In this net era, I wanted to reach you through the medium you are comfortable with.

Me: Tell me, why has life become complicated now?

God : Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it complicated.

Me: why are we then constantly unhappy?

God : Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday. You are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying has become your habit. That's why you are not happy.

Me: But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty?

God : Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.

Me: But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty. .

God : Pain is inevitable able, but suffering is optional.

Me: If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?

God : Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be purified without fire. Good people go through trials, but don't suffer. With that experience their life become better not bitter.

Me: You mean to say such experience is useful?

God : Yes. In every terms, Experience is a hard teacher . She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.

Me: But still, why should we go through such tests? Why can't we be free from problems?

God : Problems are Purposeful Roadblocks Offering Beneficial Lessons (to) Enhance Mental Strength. Inner Strength comes from struggle and endurance, not when you are free from problems.

Me: Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we don't know where we are heading..

God : If you look outside you will not know where you are heading. Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.

Me: Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than moving in the right direction. What should I do?

God : Success is a measure as decided by others. Satisfaction is a measure as decided by you. Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than knowing you rode ahead. You work with the compass. Let others work with the clock.

Me: In tough times, how do you stay motivated?

God : Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing.

Me: What surprises you about people?

God : when they suffer they ask, "why me?" When they prosper, they never ask "Why me" Everyone wishes to have truth on their side, but few want to be on the side of the truth.

Me: Sometimes I ask, who am I, why am I here. I can't get the answer.

God : Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be. Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not a process of discovery but a process of creation.

Me: How can I get the best out of life?

God : Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.

Me: One last question. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered.

God : There are no unanswered prayers. At times the answer is NO.

Me: Thank you for this wonderful chat.

God : Well. Keep the faith and drop the fear . Don't believe your doubts and doubt your beliefs. Life is a mystery to solve not a problem to resolve. Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know how to live. " Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that took our breath away! "

I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud

I wandered lonely as a Cloud
That floats on high o'er Vales and Hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd
A host of dancing Daffodils;
Along the Lake, beneath the trees,
Ten thousand dancing in the breeze.

The waves beside them danced, but they
Outdid the sparkling waves in glee: --
A poet could not but be gay
In such a laughing company:
I gazed -- and gazed -- but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude,
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the Daffodils.

by William Wordsworth