Sunday, June 05, 2011

Help: I'm in love with my best friend, I want to tell her.

I'll try to keep this short.

I've been acquainted with her since the 9th grade, but really started to get to know her in the 11th grade, and we became best friends. But, this whole time, I've been head-over-heels in love with her, and don't know how to tell her. It's really, really, bad. I've not really had many relationships before, but she is, sometimes literally, all I can think about. She's had boyfriends and whatnot (has one now), and I just don't know what to do; I can't get her out of my head.

I know I should move on if she's not interested, but I don't know how to talk to her about it (assuming I have the balls to). I've turned down prospective flings/relationships the past two years or so because of her, while she was dating other guys. Looking back on it now, I sort of feel like an idiot.. :/

We graduate from high school tomorrow.

I don't know when to talk to her about it.. I start at one University June 27th, and she starts fall at another university across the state a little in the fall, so there's some time to talk between now and then.

Hah, I even had this convoluted plan to email her "as an anon friend," telling her that this fake email person has noticed how much Captian_Throwaway likes her, and that it might be ruining his chances of other relationships, maybe trying to get her to confront me. I'm so lame lol.

I just feel like I need to get off my shoulders and out of my head before I start college, or it'll affect me there just like it did in high school.

I don't know! Help me, please!

Response by Lieutenant TR:

Captian_Throwaway, please for the love of God read this. I made my own throwaway to respond to you. Reddit has helped me out occasionally with stuff like this, and so here's my attempt to pay back everything.

I was in your exact situation about a year ago. I'm soon to be a soph in college. Met a girl in 9th grade. I was a fat loser she dated douchebags I became her friend I hid my face when she and bf kissed it out near me and suffered in silence etc. I had intrusive thoughts to the point of seeking counseling about her. I visualized smashing her bf's face when I went to the gym to drop forty pounds in six months. I put songs that reminded me of her on my workout playlists. I went with her as a platonic buddy to a ton of shit.

That sounds pathetic and it was. God I am glad it's over now.

So I know what the fuck you're talking about. So please please for the love of God listen to me when I say SHUT THE FUCK UP

Just shut the fuck up. When that little voice says "YOU HAVE TO TELL HER" just keep your goddamn fucking mouth zipped.

Here's why. You need to put a little distance from the situation and ask yourself a couple of questions. Why do you want to tell her? Is it because you hope something will happen? If I read your post correctly she's not single. Do you think she's going to break up with her boyfriend for you now? Even if she becomes single tomorrow and suddenly decides to date again--do you think she's going to go for you right before she heads off to college?

The real reason you want to tell her is because it's something really important to you that you want to get off your chest and get some kind of closure for your ideal. But the problem is that it doesn't exist outside of your own head.This girl in all likelihood thinks of you only as a friend--and how good of a friend is someone who you're keeping such a huge secret from? You need to let this go.
Hah, I even had this convoluted plan to...

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE ARE YOU 12? No. You're 17 or 18. Or hell maybe 19. It's time to man the fuck up about this. You're going to college. There will be other girls. I repeat THERE WILL BE OTHER GIRLS. And you will get over this if you keep it inside your head. But if you let it out you'll have to live with the consequences.

Overview: Been where you are but not anymore. SHUT THE FUCK UP.

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